I was 23 years old and I disgusted myself. I had been lying in bed for hours and couldn’t find any reason to move. I was tired of this life of studying and working, only doing serious things all the time. I found myself caught in a world in which I didn’t want to live, but I didn’t know how to get out. For the last 7 years I had only been studying and working. Maybe once a quarter I had an outing with my high school friends and that was it.
Apart from that, for the last 3 years I had been harassed, intimidated, threathened and slandered by a wicked hindu priest who wanted to take advantage of me, whose so called ‘love’ I had rejected and who couldn’t accept that rejection. I became scared, anxious and depressed. There had been times in which I didn’t even have the courage to step outside my home. I had a lot of panic attacks, I had car accidents, at times I wanted to commit suicide. Life had become hell…..
The police didn’t do anything, people didn’t take me seriously, therapies didn’t help and I felt so lonely, that the only survival I saw, was spending all my time on my career, so that I wouldn’t have to deal with all those negative feelings, emotions and bad memories. I socially isolated myself more and more and became a workaholic. Even after my burn-out I fell back into my old patterns. There were many times I realised my life and I were so messed up, but every time I still chose to remain a workaholic and run away from every single bad emotion, thought and feeling I had been pushing away somewhere deep within myself…..
At that time, who would have thought I would ever come out of that mess? Who would have thought I would ever quit my job and fly to India for three months with only a backpack of 5 kg? Who would have thought that same weak person would now trek in the mountains, climb glaciers, snowglide a mountain and follow paths she doesn’t know where they lead to?